Taking the Bull by the Horns…..
so to speak.

Removing the BULL from BULLYing
by Courtney A. Walsh

Let’s face it—most of us at one time or another in our lives have been bullied. I remember vividly being called, “Fat Cheeks”, “Wartney” and other choice names while growing up. Kids and adults alike test out both roles of victim and bully in different scenarios and over time. This is not just a ‘kids will be kids’ thing anymore. Kids are dying and killing. It’s not just about skinned knees or bruised pride anymore. It’s literally life or death. This is a wake-up call to all of us to look at all sides of this issue and give HELPFUL solutions.

I want to demystify this a bit for kids, parents, the media and anyone else who may be listening:

Top Ten Bullying Myths

1) If you ignore a bully they will stop bothering you. (Oh really—tell that to Kristin B___. who only doubled her efforts to ‘get a rise out of me’ when I tried ignoring her as she crumpled a bag of Dorito crumbs into my hair and blew her rancid Dorito breath into my face. Still not a fan of Doritos to this day. Sorry Frito Lay.)

2) If you stand up to a bully they will back down. (This one’s true but it often happens years after the original bullying occurs and is a bit trickier to implement in the moment that some kid three times your size with cohorts in tow screams across the recess field at you—”Hey Walsh—YOU’RE DEAD!!!”—and to C. Harper—nananabooboo on you—I AM STILL NOT DEAD).

3) Telling an adult is the responsible thing to do. (Yup, yup it is—but it only helps sometimes and sometimes makes it worse. You have to pick your battles with bullies. Sometimes the kid is being bullied/abused BY an adult so choosing the RIGHT adult to confide in is KEY).

4) Use the buddy system to avoid becoming a lone wolf target. (Ummm…people who have enough buddies rarely get bullied in the first place—it IS the lone wolves who get picked off by the packs).

5) Teach your kid self defense so they can ward off attacks. (I don’t care how much Jujitsu you know—it may build your confidence but if you are outnumbered for the love of Gawd–RUN).

6) Bullies are just cowards who need to be understood. (OK—in the big picture I absolutely believe this—but if you are using words and they are using fists then there is still a distinct communication gap.).

7) The bully uses power and force because they feel powerless at home. (YES—great awareness—how does me knowing this this stop them from stealing my lunch money, tripping me on the bus or spitting in my hair?).
Victims of bullying need to develop a thicker skin and be tougher. (And you should learn how to fly because that can be useful, too).

9) Surviving being bullied builds character. (Oh—-puleeeeeze.)

10) All the most genuinely powerful people in the world today were bullied once—and nowadays the bullies are all ending up in jail. (That doesn’t help me if I’m 8—cuz I live in the moment and my world is more about fruit roll-ups than Bill Gates or Bernie Madoff.)

OK—so now that we’ve busted the myths here are some truths:

Talk to your kids about how you were bullied—this will help them feel you ‘get it’ and aren’t just brushing them off. OR—if you are a reformed bully—go and apologize to the people you brutalized. If this isn’t possible then meditate on it and ask for their forgiveness. THEN FORGIVE YOURSELF. Then your own kid will stop getting picked on. Don’t believe me—try it. It’s like Karmic homework. Talk to your kids about what the fear feels like in their bodies—bullies can smell fear and if you can help your kid identify and work with the fear then they will become stronger in their energy fields and YES—less vulnerable to attacks. Teach them the power of breathing to calm themselves.

Bullies take energy. Victims give away their power. It’s time we created a NEW awareness & ways of energy exchange to help kids become SUPERAWARE of when they are leaking power or acquiring it in ways that charge them briefly but then deplete them. This requires teaching kids about their own EMPOWERMENT more than about how to avoid pitfalls of perceived weakness. It requires parents, teachers, school administrators and guidance counselors all getting in the same rooms together to discuss these issues, form policies and get on the same page about actions and consequences. It takes a village to raise a village.

The infighting amongst the adults has to cease so the kids will stop mirroring it. Did you read that last sentence? Read it again! And then—AGAIN.

In other words—educating ourselves & our kids about energy—NOT power is the key to balancing the scales. Adults bully and get bullied, too. Maybe bosses, spouses, siblings are your playground nemesis mirrors now. Maybe their ways are more subtle but just as diminishing. It’s always up to you to look at what self-beliefs you are holding or projecting into the world that give others permission to discount you or to harm you physically. No—that’s not “blame the victim” stuff—it’s just good old fashioned common sense.

Because when you get to a place within where you are rock solid in who you are then this BULLying thing becomes less of an issue in your daily life.

I had a writing coach once who said this and I never forgot it:

“Some of us were just born without that extra layer of skin, so they call us “sensitive” like it’s a bad thing. But we are the artists, the empaths, the musicians, the spiritseekers and finders. We are the ones that the so-called thicker skinned ones come to when their illusions shatter. The best revenge is compassion. They never see it coming.”

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Rebecca
Country Meadow Ltd.
Eco Friendly Shea Butter Spa Products

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